It’s not very independant woman of me to admit that I’m scared of loneliness, but here I am.
And it’s weird that I’m scared of that because I love to be alone. I live alone, and it’s the best. I love that my apartment is tempered exactly to my liking. I like that no one asks me to do anything. I love that I can just zone out and write without someone poking their head into my office to ask what’s for dinner.
But I was writing a post about Detroit and another about Aretha Franklin, and it got me thinking about abandonment. Detroit, as you probably know, endured decades of rampant urban decay. Aretha Franklin is from Detroit and buried there. The feeling I get when I see abandoned houses is the same feeling I had when I visited Aretha and paid my respects. And that is a haunting loneliness.
Let me explain.
I have always felt this weird, deep melancholy within me whenever I see an abandoned building. I find them immensely fascinating. Buildings are such an intimate part of our lives. We raise our families in our homes, we build careers in office buildings, we experience monumental life milestones in churches and schools. Most buildings play a huge role in shaping us all, and I find it deeply sad when they’re abandoned. Whenever I see a half-burned home that's sagging badly and clearly beyond repair, I always think about the first homeowners who were so excited to get the keys and move in.
Last week, I saw photos of a high school being demolished in Detroit, and it made me legitimately weep. Granted, I was on my period, but the catalyst still stands.
As for Aretha Franklin, well, she needs no introduction. The Queen of Soul. She is interred at Woodlawn Cemetery in Detroit, just 20 minutes from where I lived in Windsor. I love Aretha, so I went to visit and pay my respects. What struck me about visiting her was how lonely it felt. There was nobody in the room, the building, or even the cemetery as I drove in. When Aretha died, it was a huge deal with lots of fanfare to honor her monumental legacy. But despite all of that, here she was, alone in a shelf in a basement in Detroit, Michigan.
There is something about being treasured and then completely abandoned that I find deeply fascinating. Actually, you know what, now that I am typing all this out, I realize I just don’t like it when things aren't appreciated. Because why did you let a perfectly good home go to waste? Why isn’t one of the biggest names in music getting visited by people who enjoy her work? 🤨
This is why it’s important to get a good strain of cannabis and just type lmao. I solved my interest! Because, yeah, I do feel very strongly about gratitude. I am always going above and beyond to make sure people know I value them and/or greatly appreciate something they’ve done for me. My friend had to tend to my pets in an emergency while I was in Chicago, so I paid her horse’s board for one month. My horse has needed special care over the summer, so for the people helping with his care, I got one a gorgeous bouquet of flowers and sent another money for lunch. My law clerk is really on top of her stuff, so I sent her a Starbucks gift card and will definitely do more over the course of our working relationship.
I take gratitude very seriously. Sometimes I get legitimately stressed if I think someone might not know I appreciate them. A guy let me merge onto the 404 northbound lane in nasty 401 traffic years ago, but I was too overwhelmed to wave thank you, so I didn't. I think about that all the time whenever I get onto that highway at that intersection lmao. I’m so ashamed 😭
Also, because someone will surely wonder: Cancer sun, Cancer moon, Sagittarius rising. Yes, that does explain it*.
*”Whatever that means.” - Nene Leaks