Let Working Moms Prioritize Their Jobs in Peace
"Love" and "priority" are not inherently the same. Prioritizing your career does not mean you love your children less, it means you want to provide for them - as a parent is supposed to.
Do you know who Emma Grede is?
If not, she’s the cofounder of Good American and Skims with a net worth of around $400 million. Her visibility as a major force in the business world has been steadily growing, and she’s attracting a large following of young, ambitious women who admire her perspectives as a businesswoman and working mother. She has four children, BTW. Insane.
Well, her name has been in the headlines recently after she shared that she’s a “max three-hour mum”. She later clarified that she is home every night at 5:30pm for her kids’ bedtime routine. As for the weekend, she has dedicated/focused time with her kids for up to three hours, then takes a break for the rest of the day.
Video below, relevant section starting at 2:23:
Some news outlets are trying to paint this as controversial, but the comment sections that I’ve seen are all supportive. A lot of people spoke from the perspective of how their parents raised them and/or from their own perspective as parents themselves. It seems everyone agrees that a rested mom is the best mom. Many people said it was a practical model of modern parenting in an era where both parents work. One woman wrote about how their mom prioritized self-care and that they appreciated it, then and now, because of what it meant for her mom’s ability to be a better parent when they were together.
Why do we act like prioritizing parenthood is something we are all obligated to do? It doesn’t mean you love your kids less than your job, even if you do choose to prioritize your job. Frankly, as the wealth gap widens and we’re losing thousands, if not millions, of jobs to AI, it may actually be a mark of a good parent to prioritize their career. You love your kid, and the economy is going to shit; focus on what keeps a roof over their head and their field trips paid for. I realize that’s a bleak take, but blame your lawmakers, not me.
But anyway.
What’s more important to Emma Grede: being a parent or being a businesswoman? She didn’t say, and it would be rude to ask. But does the answer matter? Obviously, she loves her kids, and I don’t doubt they are well cared for. So, let’s say she chooses work; does that make her a deficient parent? I argue it shouldn’t.
Kim Kardashian is another woman who comes to mind when it comes to “high performance” working moms (for lack of a better term); high-income earners, constantly travelling, constantly working, etc.
Given how much she shows herself working on the show, I would guess Kim is not a super present mother. Like, she’s busy. But it’s not like she’s working all the time with nothing to show for it. Like Emma, Kim can give her kids access to the best schools, tutors, and extracurricular activities, and open a ton of professional doors for them. Also, in Kim’s case, her family gets together - aunts, cousins, and grandma - way more often than most families. And truly, a strong family unit is the most invaluable thing you can have. After a good hair straightener.
Also, in an episode of The Kardashians, Kim mentioned that she takes each child on a dedicated trip, just the two of them, once a year with each kid. That is a genuinely nice thing to do with and for your kid if you have the means. Also, Kim’s situation is a bit harder given that she’s married to a gotdamn psychopath. So she’s a solo parent to four, plus running a business empire.
As someone who works in family law, I have a very intimate look at the daily lives of everyday people and their everyday families. What we think is normal versus what is actually normal are on two different continents. I can tell you right now: Emma Grede’s kids are 1 percenters. Not just financially. They have both parents present; their mom and dad make time for them; and, obviously, all their basic needs are met. Three hours is more than many parents spend on their kids in considerate, kid-centric activities. Most parents force their kids to come with them to run errands or sit with them to watch TV, and that’s their idea of spending quality time together.
Also, what government agency is responsible for disbursing student loans? Kim Kardashian and Emma Grede’s kids are never going to know. How is that not great parenting?
Also, I grew up with a mom who worked, was rarely around, and did not earn a steady income (to put it lightly). Lemme tell you: a mom who is present regularly and reliably, and who can give their kids a massive financial benefit, is a great mom. And why can’t financial benefit be a quality of a good mom?? It’s a fucking great one if you’re a dad. In fact, if a man only offers financial benefits to his children, he’s like the #1 person to have ever lived. I’ll bet that Emma and Kim can offer financial benefits, and they know their children’s dates of birth. In absolute seriousness, how many fathers can say the same?
The understanding that a parent can prioritize work and still be a great parent is already something we understand as a society. We tell men they’re great dads all the time for providing for their families, even if they never change diapers and have no idea which school their kids go to. If simply providing is good enough to be a good dad, then why not the same for moms?
Let working moms prioritize their jobs in peace, just as we do for men.
