We've Over-Complicated the Discourse on the Voice Note Guy

The Voice Note Guy has gone viral — and the only correct take is that he should not have sent it.

I’ve been on vacation, so I’ve had time to see what the chronically online are up to.

The new thing is Voice Note Guy. If you aren’t familiar, a voice note was sent by an unidentified Shakesphere to a young lady. The young lady’s friend then posted the video to TikTok. In the video, the man leaves a long, rambling message saying he is not interested in a second date unless she hooks up with him. You can watch the video here or below, but if you can’t watch it at all, here is the text of it:

Alright, I figured I’d send you a voice note because it’s easier than texting all this. Anyway, I had a good time tonight — I definitely think you are lovely. However, if we’re going to go to your place on Thursday, I’d love to have that physical intimacy, to see if I’m sexually compatible with you. So if I’m going to come over, I’d be hoping to hook up, have sex, have a good time, and have that romantic and physical spark there — for my own sake, because it’s hard for me to continue dating someone if I don’t know whether we’re sexually compatible.

I know you said you don’t know about that, so I guess my thing is: what would be the point of me coming over if we’re not going to hook up, cuddle, and be intimate with each other? If that’s not what you want, that’s fine, but I think we should just end it here, respectfully. I’m all about getting to know each other first — that’s totally fine — but I am looking to have that physical aspect there, and I don’t want to keep seeing someone if I don’t know that’s there.

So it’s up to you — let me know. I’m happy to come over if you want me to; I’d love to have a good time, have some wine, hang out and chill. But if you’re not trying to hook up, then I think we should just go our separate ways. Let me know.

Before I say anything else: I think I might know who this guy is. I have been trying to figure out where the woman who posted the original video is from, but it isn’t clear. But if this guy turns out to be from Chicago, I know. Anyway, back to the message.

The only correct take here is that he should not have sent that voice note. Even if you think he was being “upfront” and seeking consent, that was not the way to do it. The voice note he left is inappropriate, unhinged, weird, and coercive; he should not have sent it. Did we really need more discussion than that? And I say this as someone who loves to over-analyze.

Some people said the message was fine because the guy was “honest” in his intentions. Incorrect take, I think, personally. Women should not be subjected to weird, sexually aggressive messages. I’ve also seen people describe the guy’s message as coercive. In the technical sense, yes, this man is trying to be coercive. If this message actually works in practice on someone after one date, I advise whoever it worked on to retire from dating immediately and seek counseling.

The voice note has gotten surprisingly popular - I feel like most women get some weird ass communication from a man at some point, and it doesn’t get much attention when shared online. I didn’t respond to a man once after like two days on a dating app, and he wrote me to say he hoped I got raped and died a violent death. Getting messaged up messages is a common part of dating as a woman, unfortunately, and I’m glad to see that one of them is getting public attention. Anything to make men realize how weird men can be.