You Cannot Beat Your Child Into Becoming Michael Jackson

There is a reason most thank you speeches from the best in any field thank supportive and loving parents - not tyrannical abusers.

The movie, Michael, is out, and people are loving it. I haven’t seen it yet, but I am immensely enjoying the TikToks people are making. With Michael Jackson’s name back in the headlines again, the abuse he endured as a child is also being discussed.

The origin story of Michael Jackson is pretty well known. Born in Gary, Indiana, to a large family, a young Michael and four of his brothers went on to become The Jackson 5. Also part of that legacy is the well-known fact that Joe Jackson, the patriarch of the family, would relentlessly beat his children, especially the members of The Jackson 5.

There has always been a long-standing joke around the idea of “Is it okay to beat your child if they become Michael Jackson?” The idea being that copious amounts of abuse can push your child to greatness and is, therefore, maybe worth the sacrifice. This is a joke we need to stop making because many won’t recognize it as such. Many people will, honest to God, believe that abuse can make a child great and use it to justify hurting their children. I guarantee you there are already people doing this.

A point I always want to stress to people, especially as someone working in family law: never underestimate how much abuse exists around you - it’s everywhere.

And on that point: you cannot beat your child into greatness because, if you could, we would have a lot more Michael Jacksons. But we don’t because Michael is an exception, not the rule. Abuse generally has the opposite effect; it demotivates, it makes it harder to learn, and it can cause long-term psychological trauma. Michael aside, how many of the most talented people of our time also come from a background embedded in abuse? Hm?

If you want a child to succeed at something, it’s going to take support and discipline. That’s why whenever people at the top of their fields are getting accolades - in business, science, film, sports, whatever - they always thank their parents for supporting them.

Support and discipline are what create greatness. Imagine what Michael could have become, what he could have been, if the person who shaped his career had also protected his childhood. We’ll never know. But we do know this: the next Michael Jackson won’t come from a household where a parent raises their fists. They’re going to come from one where a parent is raising their child.

So the next time someone makes that joke - “maybe Joe was onto something” - push back on it. Not because it’s offensive, but because someone in that room might be taking notes. Children don’t need to be broken down to be built up. They need someone in their corner.

Abuse doesn’t make children great; it just makes childhood harder. And we owe kids better than that. Michael was owed better than that.